As people reconciled to God by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, we believe that we are called to respond to conflict in a way that is remarkably different from the way the world deals with conflict. We also believe that conflict provides opportunities to glorify God, serve other people, and grow to be like Christ.

Therefore, in response to God's love and in reliance on His grace, we commit ourselves to respond to conflict according to the following principles:

1. Glorify God

Instead of focusing on our own desires or dwelling on what others may do, we will seek to please and honor God--by depending on His wisdom, power, and love; by faithfully obeying His commands; and by seeking to maintain a loving, merciful, and forgiving attitude.

2. Get the log out of your own eye

Instead of attacking others or dwelling on their wrongs, we will take responsibility for our own contribution to conflicts--confessing our sins, asking God to help us change any attitudes and habits that lead to conflict, and seeking to repair any harm we have caused.

3. Go and show your brother his fault

Instead of pretending that conflict doesn't exist or talking about others behind their backs, we will choose to overlook minor offenses, or we will talk directly and graciously with those whose offenses seem too serious to overlook. When a conflict with another Christian cannot be resolved in private, we will ask others in the body of Christ to help us settle the matter in a biblical manner.

4. Go and be reconciled

Instead of accepting premature compromise or allowing relationships to wither, we will actively pursue genuine peace and reconciliation--forgiving others as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven us, and seeking just and mutually beneficial solutions to our differences.

By God's grace, we will apply these principles as a matter of stewardship, realizing that conflict is an opportunity, not an accident. We will remember that success, in God's eyes, is not a matter of specific results but of faithful, dependent obedience. And we will pray that our service as peacemakers brings praise to our Lord and leads others to know His infinite love.

These principles are so simple that they can be used to resolve the most basic conflicts of daily life. But they are so powerful that they have been used to mediate and arbitrate bitter divorce and child custody actions, embezzlement situations, church divisions, multi-million dollar business disputes, malpractice lawsuits, and terrible sexual abuse cases.

For a more detailed explanation, it is highly recommended that you read The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict, copyright © 1997 by Ken Sande (Baker Books, 2nd edition)

See Conflict As An Opportunity

By God's grace, you can use conflict to:

1. Glorify God (by trusting, obeying, and imitating him)

2. Serve other people (by helping to bear their burdens or by confronting them in love)

3. Grow to be like Christ (by confessing sin and turning from attitudes that promote conflict)

Seven "A’s" of Confession

When you identify ways that you have wronged another person, it is important to admit your wrongs honestly and thoroughly. One way to do this is to use the "Seven A's of Confession:"

Address everyone involved (Proverbs 28:13; I John 1:8, 9)

Avoid if, but, and maybe (don't make excuses; Luke 15:11-24)

Admit specifically (both attitudes and actions)

Apologize (express sorrow for the way you affected someone)

Accept the consequences (Luke 19:1-9)

Alter your behavior (commit to changing harmful habits; Ephesians 4:22-32)

Ask for forgiveness

Negotiate In A Biblical Manner

Even when you manage to resolve personal offenses through confession and forgiveness, you may still need to deal with substantive issues, which may involve money, property, or the exercise of certain rights. These issues should not be swept under the carpet or automatically passed to a higher authority. Instead, they should be negotiated in a biblically faithful manner.

As a general rule, you should try to negotiate substantive issues in a cooperative manner rather than a competitive manner. In other words, instead of aggressively pursuing your own interests and letting others look out for themselves, you should deliberately look for solutions that are beneficial to everyone involved.

A biblical approach to negotiation may be summarized in five basic steps, which we refer to as the "PAUSE" Principle:

Prepare (pray, get the facts, seek godly counsel, develop options)

Affirm relationships (show genuine concern and respect for others)

Understand interests (identify others' concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or fears)

Search for creative solutions (prayerful brainstorming)

Evaluate options objectively and reasonably (evaluate, don't argue)

Source: Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemakerministries.org)